Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
