So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
