R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
