I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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