This girl is more easily done than said...
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
