Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
