Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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