Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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