the condom got lost in my hair
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
