I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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