If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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