He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
