wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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