Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
