wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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