I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
