im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
there's paper in my vomit.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
