My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
