If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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