So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
