too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
