shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
