I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
