He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just high enough for therapy.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
