My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
someone owes me an orgasm
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
