The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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