Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
