none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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