I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
