Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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