I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
