Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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