I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
