Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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