"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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