College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
