so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
