I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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