It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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