Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
