Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
