my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
meet me or not, i'm out of control
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
