there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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