hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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