I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
