Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
