I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
