If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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