i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
