As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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