I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
