either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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