Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
