Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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